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Mother Nature

Best Comeback Line Ever

This was in the Washington Post... 

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.

"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."


A lady walks into the welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???"

"Yes, they're all mine," the tired momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

"Well," says the social worker,"then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all their names."

"This one is my oldest--he's Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one's Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, also named Leroy! 

"All right...I'm seeing a pattern here...Are they ALL named Leroy?"

"Well, yes--it's actually really convenient. When it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' and they all come running. And if need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy!' and the kid, whoever he is, stops in his tracks. It's the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" 

"Ah, that's easy," said the mother. "Then I call them by their last names."

The Divine Destiny 

how much money does one have to have 
before getting bored and indifferent? 
how much power? 
fame? fortune? 
artificial knowledge...? 
that reveals the difference between the worldly and the unworldly. 
that which inspires bliss in oneself, seals one's destiny. 
live inspired by love of the Divine 
and we shall be one 
with the Divine.

The Rules

Diễnđàn TiếngViệt
Ýkiến? Phêbình? Vàođây 







Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?'

"He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said,"

"A pumpkin? it midnight already?'"

The truth about Indians and white men

The old Cherokee chief sat in his reservation hut smoking the ceremonial pipe eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him. 

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems." 

The chief nodded. 

The official continued, "Considering recent events, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?" 

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then 
calmly replied. "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time" 

The chief smiled, and added quietly, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that." 

Phượngvỹ ở Texas

Vi Do's Collection 


A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout  girl if she could have some brought up to the register. 

She asked," What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't 
know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the
counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom,"One box of large
condoms, Register 5." 

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of 
us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register, he told the 
checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could
have some brought to the register for him. She asked him what size, and he 
stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she
gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of 
medium-sized condoms, Register 5." 

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen 
was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live 
female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the register 
he told the checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and 
he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She
reached over the counter, gave him one quick squeeze, then picked up the
intercom and said.... "Cleanup, register 5." 

Vietnamese population in US
Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 10:42:30 -0700 (PDT)

The US population in 2000 is 281,421,906

Vietnamese is the fourth largest Asian group in US with 1,122,528
(Calif ~= 447,032 Texas ~= 134,961)

Chinese (2,432,565)
Filipino (1,850,314)
Indian (1,678,765)
Vietnamese (1,122,528)
Korean (1,076,872)
Japanese (796,700)

Here is the breakdown of VNese population in the following counties:
Harris (55,489), Fortbend (5,093), and Brazoria (1409), TX, total 61,991

Dallas (21,355) , Tarrant (19,396), and Collin (3,390) TX, total 44,141 

Orange (Garden Grove, Westminster etc..) CA ~= 135,548

Santa Clara (Sunnyvale, San Jose etc...), CA ~= 99,986


1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at
all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.

17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

The Fireman

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a
wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets.

BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole.

BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."

The next night he came home from work and yelled "BELL 1"

The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "BELL 2," the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled "BELL 3," they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4" 

"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?


Does it pay?

Mother Teresa dies and goes to heaven. God greets her at the Pearly Gates. 

"Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" saith God. 

"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies. 

So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries, and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet. 

The next day God again invites her to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, and chocolates. Still, she says nothing. 

The following day, when it's mealtime, God opens another can of tuna. 

When she sees this, she suddenly can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand..." 

God sighs. "Let's be honest," he says. "For just two people, does it really pay to cook?" 

  To Thugian 12   





Selected Books Online

Nguyễn Du - Truyện Kiều 
Ðườngthi 300 bài (Tang Poems)
Romance of the Three Kingdoms
Victor Hugo - Les Miserables 



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